Most of us want others to suffer because we suffer a lot.
For me, it means we’re weak. We are NOT embracing the opportunities as others have and we shouldn’t certainly blame them.
We are supposed to do this and that and then we might be able to get where ‘they’ are. A certain pattern for advancing in our career — kissing my boss ass to climb up — is happening everywhere — politics, finance, business, lawyers. Fucking everywhere.
We do have these implicit assumptions in our society ABOUT everything — about making love, about doing business, about negotiation in politics.
“Quit pro quo”, “win — win” and other concepts make us believe that this is THE way.
But as Einstein has proven — NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE. There is no absolute truth. Everything is relative.
The question for US is…
Are We accepting the status quo OR trying to prove something perceived absolute to be relative? Sorry that was complicated: I even don’t understand it. Let’s try again:
- Are you an accepter or change maker?
- Are you Microsoft or Apple?
- Are you … Or …?
Please do some work as well. I can’t do everything for you. Find your own example 😉
The point is..
Don’t just consume my shitty words. My opinion. Yes read. BUT please also observe, reflect and comment and contribute.
Don’t be passive. Be active. That’s where life begins.
Please start being active and never ever take anything for granted.
Puh — I know that is a marketing bullshit claim and it is so hard to follow. Because if I question everything and everyone, I wouldn’t get shit done. I would be reading, compiling notes and be afraid to share, to do, to comment.
So — I actually don’t try to challenge everything and everyone at ONCE.
Don’t challenge everything and everyone at ONCE
I aim at making it a habit to gradually challenge stuff in my life — be it food, nutrition, productivity, focus, love, relationships, sex and so on — in a mindful way that feels right to me.
Because the truth is …
I got easily overwhelmed because I tried to change, challenge, undo and unlearn to many things at once.
My self-talk in action
Whoever is talking to me in that moment:
So stupid Danny! Why would you do that?
Just because you think you are ambitious and driven, it doesn’t mean you can screw with your well-being, and health — because by trying to change everything you get burned out.
You already had moments and days where you felt tired and demotivated. So please do me a favor and don’t challenge everything and everyone at once.
YES — pleaseeee improve and become a better version of yourself, but in a mindful way. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Don’t be impatient. Personal improvements and their results don’t happen over night.
So — pleaseeee do me a promise and be ambitious and mindful. Be active and calm. Be driven and relaxed. And I promise you health and well-being.
What do I do to be active and calm?
I meditate. Thanks to meditation, I am able to adjust my expectations about myself simply by observing and zooming out. I am getting rid of the ugly reference points that made me believe that I am not good enough, that I am not hard working, that I am not a good lover.
It’s this self criticism that can destroy you.
I decided to stop with being led by my self limiting beliefs!
By observing my thinking patterns. Whenever a reference point comes up, I observe my thoughts and emotions.
Most entrepreneurs think they need to suffer. That their life needs to suck. That they need to work 24.7. AND that they need to achieve work life balance. All at once.
But the truth is if you are committed to start something and make it happen, there is hardly any room for something else for some time (during the take off period).
Starting something will cause excitement —a rush of progress and pure joy.
That’s what non-doers don’t understand.
The non-doers can’t see what the craftsmen see. They can’t see the craftsmanship. They can’t see that our work doesn’t feel like work. They can’t believe that this is actually possibly to work on something with deep conviction and belief.
For craftsmen, like me, it sometimes needs long to learn that as long as I search for work life balance I will be unhappy. It’s the tension in my life — not the balance — that I need to deal with.
And this tension as a starter needs to be enjoyed — and not to be endured.
When I discovered that my life’s situation became much more acceptable and enjoyable. A presence kicked in. A drive. A thrive to my own greatness!
Let’s get rid of these assumptions that being an entrepreneur means to suffer. To destroy your health. To be unhappy by default. I don’t believe this. I don’t accept this.
I want to be focused, be productive and be mindful to create success habits. That will lead to happiness even though or even to better health because I am an entrepreneur.
That’s just one example of the many reference points in my head that caused me to suffer. Another one you can find here. Once I discovered and observe them when they come up, I am better able to deal with and rephrase them — as I want them to be.
A promise to myself
So, I make my thoughts fit my life situation, and not the other way around. I’m no longer led by my thoughts and the many reference points ( — at least that’s what I’m aiming for!)
What are some of your reference points that cause pain and suffering? Do you feel guilty of working too much and sacrificing your relationship? Can’t your girlfriend understand why you are doing this? Can’t your friends see what you see?
I invite you to share your stories of reference points. Let’s be more aware of them to stop being led by them!